Marriage is… intimate and rewarding, but it can be challenging. It is a partnership with times of disagreements that may lead to making the choice to love the sometimes unlovable.
If you are married, it can be difficult to reflect on the blissful days of dating and courtship in the midst of a heated argument or ongoing disagreement.
Our minds have a block, at times, reconciling the love the Lord calls us to have for our spouse while dealing with the hurt and pain that is so apparent.
Let’s first look at some common lies the enemy tells us and then look at what God’s Word instructs us to do and how it heals hearts and marriages.
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”—1 Corinthians 13:4-7
‘Your needs and wants should come first in your marriage.’
This lie is the root of all sin when you stop and think about it. Since the fall of humanity, we battle with the dark forces that tempt us to do what we want, when we want. How often do you listen to this lie in your marriage?
Satan tempts us to find ways to get our desires met first; THEN we turn to our spouse, family, and others when it’s convenient.
Satan wants you to start with small indulgences, then ultimately develop a pattern of disobedience to God’s Word. He knows that marriage is difficult, so he leverages the difficult circumstance to create distractions from seeking God first.
Satan knows that when you take every thought captive to make it obedient to God, you align with the Lord’s will causing blessings to flow.
God’s word has a lot to say about selfishness in the human heart.
“And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”—Mark 10:44-45
“For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”—Galatians 5:13-14
God the Father unselfishly sent His own Son to die on the cross. And Jesus willingly took it upon Himself to bear our selfishness. We must remember that selfishness blocks the blessings of a healthy God-centered marriage.
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”—1 Peter 3:7
‘Don’t trust or forgive your spouse—remember what he/she did in the past? Doesn’t that still hurt? They need to pay for the hurt they caused you.’
The enemy’s memory is impeccable—he brings up the past over and over. He wants you to indulge your self-pity and continue to be suspicious of everything your spouse does.
God promises to heal broken hearts… “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.”—Psalm 34:18
“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”—Matthew 6:12-13
“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”—Romans 12:19
He says it’s His place to set things right when we’ve been hurt in marriage, not ours. We are called to forgive because we have been forgiven. Blessings await you, your spouse, and your marriage on the other side of the pain.
‘Your spouse will never change. What would it be like to be married to someone who understands you, who wouldn’t cause heartache?’
The enemy exaggerates your husband’s or wife’s shortcomings and inadequacies, tempting you to doubt that God can change hearts.
God is in the business of changing hearts, and He wants to do this for both you and your spouse. He takes the burden of hurt from your shoulders. Will you give it to Him?
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”—1 Peter 5:6-7
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”—Ezekiel 36:26
Pray For Your Spouse…
One of the last things our carnal nature wants to do is pray for those who have hurt us. But Jesus says to do just that.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
“For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”—Matthew 5:43-48
When the hurt runs deep in your soul and the ability to forgive seems miles away, pray in the Courts of Heaven!
- Come to your Righteous Father and proclaim His Holiness. Believe He is for you and not against you.
- Ask Him to reveal to you those places of hurt that are buried in the darkness of your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the deep places of your heart—your spirit—where you have hidden hurts. When He reveals those things that block your blessing, you can then move into alignment with His will.
- Make your request known. God tells us to come to Him boldly and make our request known with thanksgiving in our heart. Why thanksgiving? Because He says all things work together for your good—be thankful for that!
- Remind God of His covenant promises. “And now, Lord, You are God, and have promised this goodness to Your servant.”—1 Chronicles 17:26
- Thank Him for what He has done and His faithfulness. In the Courts of Heaven, claim the blood of Jesus that is sprinkled on the mercy seat that renders you not guilty. State your case in Jesus’ name, and the devil must flee.
“Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption.”—Hebrews 9:12
“Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”—James 4:7
The enemy brings cases against you and comes to steal your blessings of joy, peace, and freedom. But through the blood of Christ, and the Holy Spirit’s guidance, you can come before God to plead your verdict of not guilty and be set free!
Arise in His courtroom and claim the freedom you have already been given! For guidance and intercessory prayer, schedule a call with our prayer team [here]!
God’s Freedom in Marriage…
When a marriage is grounded in the Kingdom of God, always seeking Him first, the intimacy and trust are beyond measure. The partnership in marriage is a picture of the covenant relationship with God. Covenant says, “What is mine is fully yours.”
God welcomes us with open arms to sit at His table. We have been given the freedom to fellowship with the Sovereign God! And He lovingly blesses us because He desires to share what is His. We have an inheritance, and it is FREELY ours through the blood of Christ!
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”—Ephesians 2:8-9
Come to God with a humble heart and start praying for healing in your marriage. Invite your spouse to join you in prayer, and as the Lord brings you closer together He will receive the honor and glory.
Curt Landry joins Pastor Ronnie Philips at the LIVE FREE! RPMI Partner & Friends Conference at Abba’s House on September 16, 2018, at 10:30 AM ET. He, as well as several other speakers, will encourage you to take steps to live free and embrace the promises of God in every area of your life!